How books can help children stand up for themselves

Books are a great way to help children stand up for themselves and learn how to say no. As a difficult, but very important topic, we need ways to show children what to do, how to do it and who to turn to when they are worried. Saying no to somebody can be really complex, particularly if that person is in a position of authority. But it’s equally complex for children when it’s within a friendship group, as worries about being left out or made fun of can prevail over their desire to speak up for themselves.

What makes books such a great vehicle for talking about this subject?

Stories give children a window into other people’s lives. When children see a character stand up for themselves, it opens up the door and shows them a positive example of how it can be done. Like a rehearsal before the show begins, seeing the situation play out in story form can give children enough experience of saying no to encourage them to do it themselves.

The majority of stories have happy endings. Seeing a character tackle a tricky friendship conundrum or say no to something that is wrong, particularly when the outcome is ultimately positive, helps children to overcome the fear and look forward to the resolution.

Even if the story doesn’t end in a way we would expect, watching a character experience the challenges of saying no can help to demystify the situation. Forewarned is forearmed, so they say. So, seeing the possible pitfalls can help children to plan for them, and maybe even avoid them.

For children who are unsure about why you might need to say no, reading a story about a character experiencing this feeling can give much needed context to the situation. The story might help to light a fire, helping children to further distinguish between right and wrong in their own minds. Stories have the unique ability to allow us to see the feelings of characters from multiple points of views, and this can help us to fully understand people’s motivations and the effect of their actions. 

For a PSHE lesson or just as a class book, these titles are great for exploring the topic of saying no and standing up for ourselves…

Peggy the Always Sorry Pigeon by Wendy Meddour and Carmen Saldana.

Age range: EYFS/KS1

This is a gentle way to talk to younger children about assertiveness. A particularly useful book for children who always follow the rules, the story helps children to understand how it is ok to stand up for ourselves.

I Am Brave! by CARYL HART and Zoe Waring.

Age range: EYFS/KS1

A sweet rhyming book that explores all the different ways to be brave, including standing up for yourself and doing things differently to other people. A celebration of how we are all different.

The Only Way is Badger by Stella J Jones and Carmen Saldana.

Age range: KS1

A story that will flip the conversation around! Told from the point of view of badger, who sets out to make the world as ‘badgery’ as possible – bossing all the other animals around and stripping their surroundings of any diversity. He soon realises that it isn’t fair to control the other animals, and it’s much more fun when everyone can do their own thing.

Respect: Consent, Boundaries and Being in Charge of YOU by Rachel Brian.

Age range: KS2

A brilliant and easy to read non-fiction book that celebrates being ourselves. Covering topics such as consent, bystanders, confidence, respect and more.

Hazel Hill is Gonna Win This One by Maggie Horne.

Age range: KS2

An incredible story about the power of friendship and being a bystander. This should be on the shelves of every Year5/6 classroom! Hazel finds making friends difficult. The only person she speaks to is Tyler. But when she discovers that he is anonymously harassing girls online she has to act. This brilliantly told story covers important topics such as bullying, friendships, bravery and the power to stand up for what we believe in.