Supporting teachers to talk about death and grief in the classroom

Our founder, Olivia, recently spoke at the Centre for Wellbeing in Education’s Bereavement Summit; a meeting of education, academic and industry professionals to discuss the importance of including death and grief in the curriculum.

As it is a part of all our lives, death is something that we should be able to talk about openly. However, many people struggle to find the right words or shy away from the topic altogether. For children, this means they often do not understand death or know how to talk about it before they experience their first loss. Similarly, it becomes a difficult subject to teach if teachers themselves do not feel equipped to deal with it.

Speakers at the summit, along with the impassioned debate in the room, gave us a lot to think about. How can we support educators to teach this emotive topic? It is something which must be considered carefully, as teachers will have their own experiences, thoughts and beliefs about death which will effect the way they teach it.

The overarching feeling from the delegates of the summit is that compassion and kindness is needed. Bereavement, and subsequent feelings of grief and sadness, should always be met with open arms. Empathy should be used with everyone involved – teachers, school staff, children and families.

Some useful tips to support you with bereavement education

– Take time before the lesson to discuss the topic with another member of staff. This will give space to share any concerns and to discuss any discomfort.

– Look at what resources and information are available to support the conversation. A good place to start is Child Bereavement UK

– If possible, have the discussion/lesson take place when you have another adult to support you. This takes the pressure off and allows for time-out should you need it.

– Remember to look after yourself – this topic can be upsetting and it is ok to find it difficult to talk about.

– Lots of schools offer an Employee Assistance Programme and will have counsellors who deal with grief. If you need support for your own feelings of grief following a bereavement, seek it out.

– Let parents knows you are going to be talking about death. This gives families the chance to ask questions too, and gives them a heads up in case children come home and wish to talk about it further.

– During the conversation, try to remain as factual as possible considering what is appropriate for the age of the children. Use clear language and repeat key pieces of information, if necessary. Try to avoid euphemisms, such as ‘passed away’, which could lead to misunderstanding.

– Children are likely to have questions. Try to answer them as best you can. Remember, it is ok not to know the answer – reassure children you will find out and let them know at later date.

– If the death is somebody in the school community, discuss with the children some ways that you can positively honor and remember their life.

– Tears are good! It is normal to be upset and children should be given the time and space to express their emotions. Check in with your class after the conversation; it is likely you will see a range of emotions.

Books to support discussions about death and grief

Books are a wonderful tool for discussing difficult topics such as death. Reading about a character experiencing grief or a bereavement takes the focus away from children’s own emotions. Reading about it creates a space for children to question and process the topic without it feeling raw. This helps to foster a sense of empathy and understanding.

For children who have recently experienced a bereavement, books can also help them to feel seen. Having their emotions reflected in a story validates how they feel, further supporting them in their grief.

Grandad’s Camper by Harry Woodgate 

This is the book that we talked about at the Bereavement Summit. It is a beautifully told story about a Grandad and his Granddaughter, who has a lovely idea to cheer him up after Gramps dies. A wonderful celebration of LGBTQ+ families.

Age range: KS1

Badger’s Parting Gift by Susan Varley 

Age range: EYFS/KS1

We were amazed to read that this book is now 40 years old! We’re not surprised at it’s long-lasting impact though, as the story depicts both the sadness of death and the joy of remembering.

Grief is an Elephant by Tamara Ellis Smith

Age range: EYFS

A sweet exploration of grief and how it changes over time. Great for younger readers; as it is relatable for all forms of sadness and loss.

The Copper Tree by Hilary Robinson

Age range: KS1

A poignant book about the loss of a teacher. It paints a picture of inevitable parts of grief and the journey of remembering the person who has died.

Sade and Her Shadow Beasts by Rachel Faturoti

Age range: KS2

This book deals sensitively with the emotions following a close family bereavement; encouraging children to talk openly about their feelings. It follows the story of Sade, who has been using her great imagination to escape her grief. But when her imaginary world begins to crumble, she must find the words and strength to confront how she is really feeling.